image-10391.jpg

Funny and Honest Company Slogans – Funny Texts

slogans

  1. Plumber: “We repair what your husband fixed.”
  2. On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania: “Don’t sleep with a drip call your plumber.”
  3. At a tire shop in Milwaukee: “Invite us to your next blowout.”
  4. Billboard on the side of the road: “Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs.”
  5. On an Electricians truck: “Let us remove your shorts.”
  6. In a Nonsmoking Area: “If we see smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.”
  7. On Maternity Room Door: “Push, Push, Push.”
  8. At an Optometrists Office: “If you don’t see what your looking for you’ve come to the right place.”
  9. On a Taxidermist’s window: “We really know our stuff.”
  10. On a Butchers window: “Let me meat your needs.”
  11. On a fence: “Salesman Welcome, Dog food is expensive.”
  12. At a Car Dealership: “The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment.”
  13. Outside a Muffler Shop: “No appointment necessary, we hear you coming.”
  14. Outside a Hotel: “Help! We need inn-experienced people.”
  15. On a desk in a reception room: “We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left.”
  16. In a Veterinarians waiting room: “Be back in 5 minutes, Sit! Stay!”
  17. At the Electric Company: “We would be de-lighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don’t you will be.”
  18. On the door of a Computer Store: “Out for a quick byte.”
  19. In a Restaurant window: “Don’t stand there and be hungry, come on in and get fed up.”
  20. In the front yard of a funeral home: “Drive carefully, we’ll wait.”
  21. In a counselors office: “Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional..

The list of world’s shortest books – Jokes

  1. The Engineer’s Guide To Fashion
  2. Things I Wouldn’t Do For Money by Dennis Rodman
  3. Human Rights Advances In China
  4. The Differences Between Reality And Dilbert
  5. The Book Of Virtue by Bill Clinton
  6. To All The Men I’ve Loved Before Ellen DeGeneres
  7. My Plan To Find The Real Killers by OJ Simpson
  8. Strom Thurmond: Intelligent Quotes
  9. Al Gore: The Wild Years
  10. Amelia Earhart’s Guide To The Pacific
  11. Easy UNIX /* GCFL: come on! it’s not that difficult! :-) */
  12. Ethiopian Tips On World Dominance
  13. Everything Men Know About Women
  14. Everything Women Know About Men
  15. George Foreman’s Big Book Of Baby Names
  16. How to Sustain a Musical Career by Art Garfunkel
  17. Staple Your Way to Success
  18. The Amish Phone Book
  19. America’s Most Popular Lawyers
  20. Career Opportunities for Liberal Arts Majors
  21. Detroit – A Travel Guide
  22. Different Ways to Spell “Bob”
  23. Dr. Kevorkian’s Collection of Motivational Speeches
  24. French Hospitality
  25. Mike Tyson’s Guide to Dating Etiquette
  26. One Hundred and One Spotted Owl Recipes by the EPA
image-10388.jpg

20 Satiric Rules You Need To Live Life By – Funny Texts

  1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.live by
  2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
  3. It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
  4. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
  5. Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
  6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
  7. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
  8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
  9. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
  10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
  11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
  12. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
  13. Some days you’re the piegon; some days you’re the statue.
  14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
  15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
  16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
  17. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
  18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
  19. Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.
  20. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.