- Spend more time watching TV/movies.
- Chat more over the internet.
- Read less.
- Put on at least 30 pounds.
- Stop exercising. Waste of time.
- Procrastinate more.
- Drink. Drink some more.
- Start being superstitious.
- Spend more time at work. Get less done.
- Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.
- Take up a new habit: Maybe smoking!
0 bottles of beer on the wall,
0 bottles of beer!
take one down,
pass it around,
4,294,967,295 bottles of beer on the wall!
- She’d wait until she had the bartender’s attention and then start to decide what she wanted to drink.
- She had a mole on her eyelid. Every time I kissed her I saw it when I was leaning in. I started having dreams that the mole was talking to me.
- She pronounced ‘coleslaw’ as ‘cold-slaw’.
- When she watched shows on the DVR she wouldn’t fast forward through the commercials.
- Every time I yawned, she thought it hilarious if she stuck her finger in my open mouth.
- She ate her peas one at a time. ONE AT A TIME!
- She didn’t believe in the moon landing.
- She held her fork overhanded, as in the shovel technique. You can’t take someone like that anywhere.
- I looked at him, really looked at him from a distance, and realized that his head was just waaaaay to big for his body.
- Her mouth made a trapezoid when she talked.
- She refused to eat anything besides chicken nuggets and french fries. No substitutions.
- She walked too slow. We’d go out somewhere and walk down the street and I’d turn around and she’s 20 feet behind me.
- I couldn’t stand her name: Antoinette. I tried to get her to go by Tony, no such luck. She had to go.
- He didn’t take off his underwear during sex. Ever.
- She would constantly say the names of the stores we passed by while driving. “Jiffy Lube. Huh, a Spencers. Gym-boooo-ree.”(That’s how she would say it.)
- She put the spoon into the sugar jar after stirring her coffee, leaving clumps of coffee sugar.
- One day I realized she looked like and I couldn’t unsee it.
- It was four days before my birthday and she said she was going to get me a gift. I knew I couldn’t break up with her for at least 30 days after accepting her gift. I wasn’t willing to make a 34-day commitment to the relationship.
- Her apartment was an 8th floor walk up.
- She walked like a T. Rex.
- She wore the same deodorant as my mother.
- She was the loudest eater I ever met. She constantly chewed with her mouth open and smacked her lips. God forbid if she really liked it, then there came a litany of “mmm” and “nom”s as well. It was like dating the cookie monster.
- She put mustard on her fries by applying it to her hand first and then rubbing it over the fries. Then she licked the mustard off her hand.